design witch

the end for now

2011-09-06T07:20:00.000-07:00

hello everyone!

i am sorry to say that although i have tried to come back to this blog i just cant do it. it is way too much a painful reminder of what i have lost at this time...

please join me on my new blog for my new life as a single mom trying to figure it out at star cat love

much love and blessings to all,chella

rain courtesy free foto

seasons of darkness ..looking for the light

2011-05-03T09:36:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! I have been gone from the ether land for a very long time, and truly it feels like forever! I have deeply missed reading each and every blog on my list...I hadn't fully realised how much hope, joy, beauty, inspiration, I had gotten from you all until it was silent...and the silence became a big part of the black hole that has consumed my existence. I don't want to dwell in the darkness here, only give you a hint of what I've been thru so you can understand where I am now headed...into the vast unknown. This past fall I lost my beloved grandmother, a loss that I am finding difficult to put into words here. She was a very loving wonderful special person and the only grandma I had ever known, and I miss her terribly. After the loss of my grandma, my beautiful magical home that I wished to stay in forever was taken from me abruptly in a most awful way, that I still can not get over. In October when we had to move, my partner S abandoned me, and I was left to move us all by myself, into a horrible little mobile home that I had the worst feeling about. My intuition proved to be right on and no sooner did we move in that we were looking for a new place...in the 2 months that we lived there we lost our 2 puppies to unspeakable tragedy, our adorable grey kitten to the darkness outside my door. We endured constant almost daily harassment by the landlord, found out that my favorite aunt had gone missing, presumed to be dead...Suffered brutally cold nights with almost no heat, went without food some nights. Without a phone briefly, went without comfort, and art, and baking, and walking, and smiling and laughter, and all the little things that make being alive worth living...So much so that by the end of the day I was just barely breathing... January found us moving into another home. Again I did it alone. The new rental seemed like a good fit. The landlord said all the right things to make me feel like I could comfortably regroup...pull myself together a bit. My parents god bless them paid the deposit and rent for me as I didn't have a penny to my name. It is a spacious house compared to what we were used to. It is in a town I didn't know very well. I was exhausted but hopeful. And now here I am 4 months later,slowly coming back to life. Originally the landlord said we could have a year lease. After we moved in she brought us the lease...for 6 months...just one of the many lies I've had to endure since we moved in. Not really enough time to fully regroup, I have 8 weeks to figure out my next step. It is difficult. I still have the weight of all that loss heavy on my mind and heart. I miss my family in Connecticut. I am tired of moving, desperately want a house to call my own and absolutely no way to accomplish that in the near future. I'm not sure where I am going from here, I only know I have just 8 weeks to figure it out. I have a home full of inventory for a shop that never happened. Art supplies and no creative mojo to put it all together, and 4 kids and a house full of animals who are all looking to me to make it better. So that is my abridged version of why I haven't been posting. I have no idea where I'm headed, and a little bit of hesitation on putting my disastrous life up for everyone to see. But I have this new phone that I can mobile blog from, and a desperate desire to turn my life around, and an overwhelming gratitude that I can get back to reading all your words again. Hopeful, energising, inspiring, beautiful, creative souls who lift me up. I figure the least I can do is try to rise up so that I can one day soon walk amongst you all. I am hoping you all are doing fantabulous and looking forward to catching up on all your blogs... happy spring to all. Leaving the darkness of winter behind, stepping into the newness and sunshine of spring. Peace and love and sunshine, love chella

my secret dream

2010-07-18T13:41:00.000-07:00

When I joined Kelly at a A Stuffed Life , to participate in this party she dreamed up, it seemed kismet at the time. I was giving a lot of deep thought to my life, where it is at, what direction it is going, what I want out of the near and far future, what are the dreams that keep me going when all else falls away.

What has become blatantly clear to me at this point in my life, is that my secret dream can no longer remain secret. It has to be revealed, so that I may start to create it. In real time, for the magic of physical manifestation, it has to be spoken.

I have been a gypsy most of my adult life. I have lived in 8 states in 13 years, in many many houses, trailers, apartments. Even a camper for the better part of a year, exploring the west coast, trying to find my PLACE. Where I felt that I could live my life , the way I wanted. I looked and plotted and chose places at some times, and other times I watched for signs and followed the universe clues as to where I next belonged. It was at times hard, some times exhilarating, all of the time learning and growing and clarifying what is important and what, not so much. Priorities shifted, belongings left behind, friends gathered and collected in every place. I often thought of myself a child of the stars, bound to travel endlessly, because my PLACE never materialized. I thought for sure when I found it , I would know it. Deep in my soul like an unmistakable beat of the heart.

When we were living in Arizona, my intuition told me that I needed to come back to New Mexico. There were reservations, there were doubts, but the thought kept coming back to my soul over and over, it would not be ignored. The universe provided me with a lead on a sublease close enough to Santa Fe, that when I heard about it, my heart lept up, and I knew I had to see it. I knew I had to have it.

Against many, many odds the universe conspired to get me here, to this house. Within a month we were moving from Arizona, to New Mexico. I drove all day and night in a borrowed suburban, with 4 kids, 2 babies under the age of 2, 2 large dogs, 5 cats, and pulling a u haul.

That was October of 2008.

Every day since the day we moved in, I have dreamed of making this house mine.

We are not in the position right now to buy a house. So my dream has stayed secret. But the universe works in mysterious ways, and I have a feeling that if I follow those instincts, the same ones that led me here, the ones that guide me in the unknown, I just may be able to make this dream a reality.

This is my secret midsummer night dream

I dream of cooking at my own hearth

I dream of working at my own corner office

I dream of laying my head to sleep at night, knowing that I never have to move again, if I do not want too. That is my secret midsummer nights dream.

Thanks to Kelly for dreaming up the dream, and inspiring me to come out of the closet, one step colser to making my dream a reality.

What is your secret dream?

Many blessings, Peace and Love, chella

scrappy ghetto fabulous

2010-07-07T07:22:00.000-07:00

So I know I said that I was feeling feeling pretty burnt toast on putting up fencing, and that my creativity needed a boost, a diversion. So this is where it took me, to the entrance to my studio. This year the grapes are growing wonderfully, but they were hanging over my doorway to the studio quite heavily. I decided to take some of the extra fencing, and build a small arbor around the entrance. I am happy. Now I can go in and out without having to get swacked by grapes. The doorway itself is still hobbit sized, so I still have to duck going in, but it is much more manageable.

The entrance to my studio, the arbor. If things look a little wonky and crooked, well, they are. That is pretty much how old New Mexico was built, and I have never been into an older house that was level. At first, coming from the straight and extremely level east coast, I was a little taken aback by the unevenness of it all, but I have come to love it, and all its angles, in its entirety.
It speaks of being connected. Homes made of earth, in more organic form, built of mud and clay and by many hands, honed by the eye of the builder, leaning into the land, around rocks and trees, and streams. No bulldozed foundation here, simply built on a spot that was honored and given consideration to the land that is being built on. This home was built to keep living, generation after generation, snug in the warm earth, safe, sound, solid...and a little bit crooked.

Now the grape vines can stretch out, and make a canopy overhead. I will be adding farielights soon.

The grapes will not be fully ripe for another month, but they are still OH so yummy. They are crunchy and SO sour, and I cannot help but snag one or two when I go inside. My studio is almost complete, but it still needs some tweaking.

Walking in thru the door is the wall of chaos. I am in the process of painting the shelving and such to match, so it appears more streamlined. But it gives a hint of the madness that fuels me.

Some beads... I love finding spice jars at yard sales and thrift stores, to hold my dizzying array of beads

Small jars for small things, looks more crooked here than it is...

I took these pics at dusk, me thinks the lighting could've been better, lets call these the "BEFORE" shots, shall we?

An old collage, one of my first...its simplicity makes me smile

And I leave you with a piece of vintage ephemera...does any one remember rainbow brite? Well this is her horse, starlite. This is from a paper doll set, from when I was small. She has traveled with me all this time. I am not ashamed. I love rainbows, and I am proud. What have you kept from your childhood that makes you smile? Peace and love, chella

a midsummer night secret dream

2010-07-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

Today I am inspired to join a party hosted by Kelly of A Stuffed Life. The past full moon was especially powerful to my psyche, and when I happened upon the invitation to share my secret dream I was driven by the moon to participate. Admittedly the shy and unsure part of me is screaming at the hopeful and optimistic part of me (damn being part Gemini) but I am here posting it still, as there is inside of me a dream burning my soul to be realised. It is a huge dream. So huge it is scary to talk about. SO at this time I will leave it hanging in the otherworld. Until July 17, Midsummer night, where all sorts of secrets shall be revealed, by many other than myself. I cant help but imagine what kind of magical pull that will create within the universe of infinite possibilities. If YOU have a secret dream, join us here. Many blessings to all, and Happy 4th of July! Be Safe and have fun. What will you be dreaming of today? Peace and Love, Chella

beauty, inspiration, a collage

2010-07-03T13:25:00.000-07:00

Hi! All this post digging and fence building has me craving art and beauty, yet at the end of the day I am just dang tired! SO I am trying to spend a little more down time gathering inspiration, working on my blog design, and seeing what all you creative ladies are out there doing. This is a picture of a collage I made, and it hangs above my computer station to remind me of the beauty that is, every day, even when I am too tired to notice. What gives you a lift when you are tired? Peace and Love, Chella

summer solistice, a birthday

2010-06-22T07:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the Summer Solstice, also known as Litha, or Midsummer, and the official first day of summer. I have always had an affinity for this holiday because my mother, goddess bless her, was so thoughtful to give birth to me on this day, 34 years ago. I have often thought that it was the auspicious date of my birth that contributed to my strange and unusual being. I usually spend my birthday part in celebration, and part in contemplation. Thinking about the past year of my life, where I have been and where I am going, what I would like for myself in the next year. I usually journal and oft do myself a year forecast tarot reading. Some years I do an elaborate ritual celebration, some years it passes quietly.

This year was a quiet reflection as I was too physically exhausted to do much ritual. I spent the day diggin posts for the fence that I am building between the orchard and the garden areas of the yard. In fact that is mostly why I haven't posted as of late, as I have been consumed by the fence project, trying desperately to keep my puppies contained so they do not get run over and killed! Sirius' accident last week left me with just one focus, and I cannot seem to stop until I am done. Not even for birthday celebration! I did take a break for a small part of the afternoon to make pie, because I know that the boys did want to celebrate.

I am usually a cake makin kinda gal, especially for birthdays, but this year I was inspired to make a lemon meringue pie, so with Zaelyns assistance, I made a lemon and a lime pie. And it wasn't really a meringue, as I made homemade whip cream to go on top instead. But none the less, it was a great hit, and it was a sweet way to end the longest day of the year.

my first ever homemade lemon pie

I let S put the homemade whip cream on

a slice of delicious lemony yumminess

and a glass of my favorite bevy, Guinness

I got the wonderful pie recipe here, Grandmas Lemon Meringue Pie, and the whip cream was simply whipping cream with a couple tablespoons of sugar, hand whipped until peaks started to form and the cream lost its glossy sheen.

So Happy Solstice to all , and to all a wonderful Midsummers night! What did you celebrate today? Peace and Love, Chella

a little crafty

2010-06-14T00:33:00.000-07:00

I am just coming in from my studio, it is one in the morning. After the wee ones were put to bed I still had energy to get out and do a little crafting. This is the first night I have done so since I have set up the studio. It felt so good. Nothing too fancy , I glittered a dozen stars, which I plan to add to the gate that I just built.

And I messed around with an altered page...

I am happy and tired and I will sleep with glitter on the brain tonite. What will you be dreaming of? Peace and Love, Chella

4 days

2010-06-12T22:26:00.000-07:00

siri the night before

I know I said I would post every day for the next month. but the last 4 days have been hard, really hard.My sweet puppy Sirius Buddah got run over by a truck early Wednesday evening as I was taking pictures of my stair case to post on this blog. He was not killed, thank the goddess, but he was badly injured. I have spent the last 4 days nursing him back to health and trying to fix all the issues with the fence that allowed him to get out in the first place. It is a huge job. Unfortunately where I live in the country NO ONE in this small community fences or leashes their dogs, so there are always dogs in the road. Personally I am NOT that way with my dogs. As long as I have had dogs, they have been kept in a fenced yard. When we moved here, the fencing was mediocre at best, but as soon as we moved in I set about to fixing it up so my 2 dogs Sati and Sugar could not get out. I re dug posts, spent days straitening bent up old wire fencing, installed a new gate. It was enough to keep them out of the road most of the time. I live on 2 acres, and it was not all 100 percent fenced properly but I was able to keep their excursions to a minimum. Over time though, the other neighborhood dogs proved to be too much of a bad influence and despite my repeated attempts they would charge the gate when we would go to leave and start chasing our car, any car. It was a huge source of stress. Then finally Sugar got killed after running into the road when S was getting ready to back out of the driveway. Her puppies were 4 weeks old. It was a devastating loss, one that I still feel very deeply. SO I have been extremely overprotective of her puppies, only taking them out supervised, and keeping them in back. I thought that the fencing would be OK as long as I could keep them from getting out when we opened the gate to leave. But I did not take into account their size. Sugar was a big dog, her puppies, still small. So they can fit thru all the places in the fencing that the old dogs could not. Trying to prevent accidents, I have been working like crazy to fix everything, but I just was not fast enough. The neighborhood pack was out, I was taking pictures of the stairs, and he jumped the gate in all the commotion. As I hurried up the driveway to get him in , a truck approached, and I started yelling at the truck to stop, but he slowed down only to plow over my puppy and then speed off as I screamed. HOW can someone be so cruel as to do something like that, and then drive away? I still cannot wrap my head around it. I saw my baby's hind legs get run over by his tire and I thought he was a goner for sure. For the last 4 days I have not known for sure if he had internal injuries. He has deep gashed on his legs and he could barely walk. I have been tending to his external wounds and giving him hands on healing for any internal wounds and praying for him to live and be OK. Aside from that I have been mending the fencing like crazy but it is a huge job. I am keeping him in the house until I am done, with short excursions outside to do his business. Tonite he is walking

without much of a limp, a huge improvement. Tonite I feel hopeful that he is going to be OK.

the stairs before

the stairs the night of the accident and the gate he jumped over

the driveway gate - before

the driveway gate - now

the new staircase gate that i built today

during a windstorm that did this...

and this...

and these are all downed branches...

So that is where I have been and what I have been up to the last 4 days. I pray that the following days will be less eventful, but I have a feeling that not only will I be working on the fence, now I will be picking up a lot of sticks and branches along the way! What did you accomplish while I was gone? Peace and Love, Chella

tonite, the sunset

2010-06-08T20:05:00.000-07:00

Tonite, it was the perfect example of why I am absolutely in love with New Mexico. The sunsets here, are glorious, the kind of sunsets that take your breath away and make you feel one and at peace with the universe, with god, with the goddess, whichever you choose to call it, that divine essence that resides deep within the soul. The colors, the texture of the air as it closes in on you, almost as if you can taste the life in the very air itself. I am in love all over again, my spirit renewed. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

NOTE: the pictures on this post have NOT been altered or photoshopped, the colors are truly as my camera captured them...

i love rainbows

faces in the clouds eating rainbow

the face behind me

standing at the top of my driveway

looking up

looking down the road from my house

SO spectacular! I took so many pictures that my batteries died. I stayed outside inhaling the sweetness until the night fell around me like a dark cloak. I wanted to post more picures but my computer is giving me problems at the moment. I will post a couple more tomorrow night. What inspired you today? Peace and Love Chella

thrifted and gifted

2010-06-05T23:10:00.000-07:00

Today I am thinking a lot about thrifting, and what it means to me. Yesterday I posted a link to one of my favorite bloggers, Serena of Apron Thrift Girl, because she truly lives and breathes the thrifty way. For a long time I never knew so many people were so enthusiastic about a lifestyle that I have lived for so long. I always enjoyed finding treasures at yard sales, church sales, county fairs, thrift stores. My mother has the gift for thrift and taught me well. I often found that one special thing that would make me so happy, and without paying a fortune for that happiness. Bonus!

After I had my first child is when I started treasure hunting in earnest. I was 22 and living on one income, and desperate to fill my huge apartment with furniture, and decor, that I simply did not have the money for. So using my witchy intuition, I would tell the universe what it is that I needed, and then I would go looking for it. Very often I would find what it was, within a day sometimes 2. I mainly scored down on the streets of the collage town that I lived in, picking off the discards of the wasteful students, who placed anything and everything on the curb. That is when I truly fell in love with the thrill of the hunt. I have been in love ever since. Most of everything that I have is either thrifted or gifted. As I looked around my home tonight I was hard pressed to find much that wasn't! A sample:

a small altar mostly thrifted a little gifted

a yard sale mirror that was navy blue when I got it

and I adore finding all different deities, and goddesses, and of coarse, the mother herself

As I have grown, and moved around, and had more children, my needs and methods have changed a bit but my essence has stayed the same. Ever confident in the magic of the universe to provide what is truly needed, and with some extra blessings what is truly wanted as well, I revel in the beauty that is the magic of life, the invisible thread that connects all things. I give so much thanks for the rush and the thrill and the satisfaction that my way of life gives. I feel it treads lightly on the earth, benefits the people I purchase from directly, keeps my purchases local and gives back to my community. Weather buying from the thrift stores that reinvest their profits back into the people and animals, or from the person having a yard sale to support themselves and their loved ones, to the church sales that help to fund the spirit, and the community sales that bring neighbors together in a common goal. When life is as uncertain as the times are now, I have faith that I can still clothe my children nicely, have nice dishes to eat off, beautiful bedding to sleep on, furnishings and decor to keep us comfortable and inspired, art to sooth my spirit, movies to watch, music to enjoy, toys for my babes to play with... I may not be the girl who has the latest greatest of everything, but I have everything I need, lots more to love, and a beautiful family to pass on my secrets of a life well lived. That is a blessed thing, it is.

Well it just passed midnight so I am going to get this posted, trying to keep in line with my goal of every day post, it is just into the next day. Don't want to push it! Until tomorrow, Peace and Love, Chella

Apron Thrift Girl Giveaway

2010-06-04T21:09:00.000-07:00

Well ,Selena at one of my FAVORITE blogs, Apron Thrift Girl is having a super surprise give away for her 4 year blogging anniversary. IF you don't know her already, check out her blog, as she is smart, and thrifty, she writes REALLY well, her advice is plentiful for anyone who wants or does walk the thrifty walk, and her thrifting finds are really often drool worthy. I always look forward to her posts and I bet you will too, she truly is an inspiration. Check her out, leave a comment to enter her giveaway, and ENJOY!

Well , I have a confession. This post was on opportunity for me to break out of my shell, and link up to a site that I absolutely adore and admire, and it feels a bit overwhelming. Actually all of blogging is still new and awkward to me. I have never left a comment on ANY ONES blog before,. I have only been stalking blogs for a couple of months, but am totally submersed in a world that I think I can one day walk with confidence. Just not yet. I am still the shy new girl trying to overcome her insecurities, figure out where I fit in , and what if anything about my life would anyone but my mom (my one faithful reader, THANKS MOM love you!) find interesting enough to look at or read. So that is my truth, and I am putting myself out here and I can only imagine where it will go from here. I thank Selena for her inspiration, and for all you other amazing women out there who inspire me every day. Peace and Love, Chella

found objects

2010-06-03T19:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I failed to make my post, although I did figure out how to fix some things with my blog that were awry. It took me WAY too long, I am NOT a computer wiz, and that is putting it very nicely! SO I struggled with the blog for so long that once I was done, I had to step away, saying to myself I would post my blog later. HAH! I went outside to work on the staircase I am rebuilding and didn't come in until dark. I was so dog tired that I passed out on the couch watching Heroes on DVD. Which I found at one of my favorite Thrift stores by the way.

It was one of those divine moments where the universe conspires to give you something just at the right moment. I had gone looking for magazines, they usually have a great selection, and at 25 cents a piece I can usually pick up several. I am a magazine junkie, I might add. Anyways, it was closing time, and I was the last to check out, as I am paying for my mags, one of the employees comes up to the counter to unload a donation bag right next to me. The first thing he pulls out is the whole first series of HEROES on DVD. Of coarse I was like OH! How much for THAT? 5 bucks. SWEET! Cant get better than that, especially since I had really been wanting it, as I have the next 2 seasons already and have this weird obsession with SETS of things. Especially movies. So it was a blessing, and I was happy, And I fell asleep to it.

My yard is HUGE to me, and it needs a lot of work. The staircase collapsed when we first moved in. I had been meaning to rebuild it, but it wasn't until last month that everything became aligned so that I could actually work on it. Along with the rebuilding comes general maintenance as well. I have cleaned and raked and hauled more than I ever thought was possible. I spend a portion of most days in the yard, working and enjoying. One of the more wonderful things that come with being in the dirt, and close to nature is all the wonderful discoveries along the way...

The strawberry plants scattered in the tall grasses.

Mullein growing in wild abandon between the cherry grove and the garden plot...

The cherry grove in bloom

And these sweet treasures too...

The honey comb my son Gabriel found, the birds nest S found, and the head, I found buried in the dirt. It was a lovely day, and I am happy to share my finds with you. Did you have any discoveries today? Peace and Love, Chella

today, an outfit

2010-06-01T13:07:00.000-07:00

As I may have mentioned, I am a SAHM to 4 kids, and I also live on 2 acres of rural living, of which requires ALOT of maintenance. SO put those 2 things together and we get one mom who doesn't get to dress up nearly as much as I want to! Honestly I don't mind the whole comfortable sneakers bit, and it is much more preferable than doing housework in heels, but deep down inside I am still the funky punky girly girl that I was pre-kids. Today I had to go into town to run an errand, and I get to dress like myself on days such as this. No sneakers required. Since I have committed to posting every day for the next month ( just had to reiterate that to myself), I figured I would post today's outfit. Camo sheer shirt a gift from a friend like 10 years ago, no joke! Dress, a Ross sale item I got for my pregnancy 3 years ago, booty shorts (not shown!) a thrift store find, fishnets, from wherever I can find them, boots (my favorite) a goodwill perfect fit. All in all a thrifty and different Chella creation. Now I have to get back into my sneakers, and get back to work! Peace and love, Chella

new family member

2010-05-31T07:51:00.000-07:00

This is my new baby. I had no intention of bringing home a kitten when I went out last Saturday. I was going to go to the dollar store to pick up a couple packs of hangers. As I reached the dollar store, I just felt the pull to keep on driving. SO I did, not really knowng where I was going. I headed into the nearest town and pulled up to one of my favorite thrift stores. This is interesting I thought to myself. Lets see what is in here that the universe is guiding me to. I went in with my 2 year old daughter, with whom shopping in a cartless store is pure hell, I might add... and started looking around, cursing myself for even going there, becuase I know what an aweful experience shopping without containment is... My daughter was tearing thru the store, trying on shoes and rearranging things, and I am thinking WHY am I here? Then from the back of the store, this woman is askng another woman if she knows anyone who wants kittens. Out of no-where I ask, You have kittens?, as if the words were being pulled from me without my consent. After all I didnt want any kittens... Conversation ensued, and I end up following this woman and her husband back to their house to look at their beautiful kittens. The whole drive there, I am thinking, WHAT are you doing GIRL? Having an entire conversation in my head how I am just going to look and there isn't any reason I should take one home with me... Needless to say, here he is. The boys have taken to calling him Titan, and I must say they were all smitten from the moment I walked in the door. He is SO aweet and personable, and super friendly, with no fear. The perfect match for my chaotic family. Welcome to the clan, Titan.
Peace and love, Chella

too much a perfectionist

2010-05-31T07:20:00.000-07:00

Hi there ! I have the greatest intentions of writing, and then... I get caught up, in the daily ever incresing responsibilities at home, my chore list, the kids, the day... and when I get to writing about it, if I dont have everything right at my figertips, the camera, the camera cord to download, the time or energy to download and edit, a quiet room, then by best intentions go out the window, and I do not write at all. what is the point to having a blog, if not to blog it? It is somehting I have so much wanted to do for so long, and here I am, slacking. SO I set a goal for myself, to write and post a little, every day, for the next month. Just something, anything, so that I can get used to the flow, the time committment, the interest to myself, to see if this is something I really do want. No more trying to get it perfect. Just putting down what is, and letting go of what isnt. Peace and love, Chella

back again

2010-05-20T06:37:00.000-07:00

HELLO! It has been almost a year since I have been onine. What a blessing to be reconnected! So much has occurred that I will just lightly sum up. Better just to start back up and keep moving foreward.

The winter has been lovely but long here in the mountains of New Mexico. We have had tastes of spring with a handful of beautiful days, followed by snow and more snow! This week has been varying degrees of warm and cold. I bought some seeds in anticipation of starting someting. I bought a small rosemary bush becuase it smelled so alive.

We turnrd the soil in one of the garden beds between snow days this week (it never stays on the ground for long), so spring is creepng in albeit slowly to the garden but rapidly in my mind and in my heart. Anticiption is grand. In the days ahead I plan on spring cleaning inside, so on the nice days I have nothing to hold me back from going outside!

Of coarse the kids keep getting bigger. Zaelyn the oldest is now 11, Gabriel and Gavin both had birthdays in February now 7 and 3, and my baby Zari is now 2 as of this April. So much growth and development!

On the sad note, we lost 2 pets this winter, our darling Sugar was hit by a car in January and although we are still missing her terribly, her spirit lives on in her 2 puppies Sirius Buddah and Coco Nibs, whom she left behind. They are nearing 6 months old and a great source of joy.

Blackie, our young catolecent, failed to come in one evening, the next moirning I spotted a bobcat in our yard close to the house, so I assume he was an unfortunate victim of the mountain wildlife. Another downfall to loosing Sugar is that she was our great guardian, and since she left, a pack of coyotes had made our yard part of their nightly rounds. It has been 5 months, and I am still trying to get used to the unearthly yipping and howling as they come up into the orchard. Never a dull moment! Sometimes I go outside and stand in the dark by the back door willing myself to remain calm as their cries echo in the cold night, trying to reconcile my irrational fears and trying to embrace them as my neighbors in nature. I will let you know if and when I succeed. I miss my sugar.

With the kids and pets growing fast, my own world feels pressure to keep up. This whole long winter I have been wanting to put my studio together, it has been a chaos of boxes and bins since we moved in here, for various reasons. But now with spring fever on my heels I have been working hard to get it up and running. The economy has been hard on us, and I feel the deep spiritual need to create, and release some of the winters darkness and the spring hopefulness.

The studio is in a small adobe casita a stones throw from the main house. I have always wanted a place to create away from the house, away from the daily grind, some place I can walk into that is totally mine, with projects able to be left out until completion with out taking up the kitchen table, or worrying a cat/kid/dog will come in and walk, paw,trample or color on... I am excited that it is almost done. I have so many creative projects swirling around in my head, waiting to get out...

Well that is enough of an update for now. Look for pics of the studio later in the week.
Peace and love, Chella

the landlord cometh

2009-05-08T14:12:00.000-07:00

Well , I have to admit that I have totally slacked on this blog so far... Honestly I had great intentions of writing often. And I do have a couple posts in the edit stage that have since become obsolete so I didn't bother to post them since they became outdated. So I guess I am here trying to figure out amidst all the unpacking, rearranging, yard work and child raising, where is the time that I would like to spend blogging? Because I have yet to find it. I told myself that I would do it at night when the kids were asleep after all the days chores were done. Turns out the chores are never done, and by the end of the night I was too tired to string a proper sentence together. I know there are women out there who accomplish much and then still blog about it, so I am determined to become one of those women. The ones who do it all and the live to write about it. I'm just not sure how to do that yet. I tried a late night caffeine buzz and while it kept my body awake honestly I was still mentally inept. Definitely not able to blog, not even surf actually. Just kept me awake enough to be unproductive and sleepless. So I got to watch some x files without falling asleep to it. Not quite what I had in mind. So how much sleep does one actually need to be a functioning adult? I still need to be able to cook, clean, operate heavy machinery, and keep an eye on a toddler and a baby (e who is almost a toddler now too!) I would also like to add that I do cook most the meals and I would like to bake every couple if days. I also need to finish unpacking my life from all those boxes, I live on a gorgeous yet high maintenance piece of land so yard work has to find its way in there somehow, and if it isn't too much to ask I would love to do some art somewhere in there too. Anyone have any suggestions on how to accomplish that, short of never sleeping?

my frida collage that I keep in the mudroom for inspiration...

Right now I put the kids in front of (I know I know) THE WIGGLES, and while I cant really dig it they love it and I SO wanted them to be distracted for a little while. Today my day was busy and it isn't even 3/4 over. I was up at 5:30 because I couldn't sleep. The landlord was coming over to do an inspection at 1 and I wanted the house to look clean so I obsessed about it in my sleep until I could sleep no more. 5:30 then. Shower, coffee, start a load of laundry. Get kids up for school, the babies wake up. Breakfast for babies, change out laundry. Deep clean bathroom. Change diapers, clean kitchen, do dishes.
some pics of my tiny tidy kitchen...

some supplies for art and life...

Then it was time to entertain babies. Clean the boys room, then the mudroom...

Some pics of the mudroom ( the entry into the house, also where the dogs sleep at night)...

Meanwhile babies are having a field day trashing the living room while I am cleaning. Toys and Cheerios are everywhere. Snack time. Nursing time. Nap time for Zari. Then I clean the living room...
love my little livingroom...

one livingroom altar detail... i have several livingroom altars...

my treasured bookshelf, books on magic, all things esoteric, faeries and unicorns...

Now I feed Gavin lunch, set him up with some colored pencils and paper and then clean my bedroom.

a peek into my bedroom, still under construction... and yes S and I sleep in here along with the 2 babies... talk about attachment parenting...

the book nook...

misc. shelves make for an interesting mix...

bunnies and unicorns...

altar...

essential oils and parfume oils...

the love shelf...

bags and jewlery on stars...

Now I get Gavin in his outside clothes to go pick up miscellaneous yard stuff, clean and sweep the portal (new mexican lingo for porch). I anxiously await landlord. Pray the dogs behave while she is here. Tell the cats to make themselves scarce so she doesn't realize that I have 5 cats. I don't know if she would care and I don't want to find out. We have lived here 6 months, and she is about to give us a lease hopefully.This was a sub let so I really don't want anything to come in the way of that. Despite the fact the casita (my future art studio) is totally a disaster she seems pleased with the place. The cats are invisible. The dogs behave.
Gavin does not.... Several crying fits ensue...

Is he always like that she asks? (She has a teenage daughter.) I grin and I don't think it looks authentic. I think I am biting my tongue. How does one go about explaining a sensitive, emotional child to someone who doesn't have one? She does a thorough check of the place, inside and out. Part of me really wants a beer right about now, ( I am not a big drinker, this is not a usual craving!) But I know there are 3 in the fridge. And she looked in the fridge! Of all the places I didn't clean before she came. What landlord looks in the fridge? Well she did, and let me tell you it was neither clean or organized. EMBARRASSING!

the real me and my messy fridge...

And of coarse she managed to find the place on the wall that my son colored all over with crayon. The spot I had no idea existed or I would have cleaned it off.
So this whole visit with the landlord was totally stressful because this last 6 months we have been on a sublease. It was up to her to decide if she would give us a lease or if we would have to move again. That is really where my stress came in. We have moved so many times in the last 3 years and I am so tired. I want to put some roots down somewhere. And this is that somewhere. It is the most magical land we have lived on in such a long time. It really is the perfect place for us. It is in the country, the village in itself only has 96 occupants according to the census. Our neighbors on either side are awesome. Its on 2 acres loaded with fruit trees, a huge garden plot, berry bushes and an acre grazing field (or playing field for the kids). There is a river that runs the bottom of the property that has plenty of trout for fresh fish dinners, and it backs up to thousands of miles of wilderness. There is a lake within 3 miles of the house. How dreamy! I couldnt have asked for a better place. Actually I did ask, god, goddess, the universe, the list master, for a place that has all these qualities. I got my wish, the universe provided me with all of my list requirements. So the thought of the landlord having the say wether we stay or go was tearing me up. You see, we are not wealthy by all means. We have 4 kids and live off one income. S is in the resteraunt industry, so that means money ebbs and flows with the seasons and the economy. We all know that the economy is in a little trouble. Our rent is 900. a month. and while we have been able to pay it every month to be honest the check didnt always go out on the 1st. We often found ourselves scrambing to make the rent during the lean winter months. So would that count against us in her eyes? Would she decide that she wanted to find more stable tenants? I have busted my butt to take care of the property to compensate for the tardiness. Would she recongnise that? Landlords can be fickle. They can be greedy. I actually have had very few kind landlords. So I have landlord anxiety.
I suffered thru the inspecion with knots in my stomache, buy my fears went unrealized and she was very kind. She had a few issues with the guy we subleased from and she let me know that. All in all she seemed pleased with the place, saying that it looked good. She walked me around the property showing me all the different fruit trees and berry bushes and such. Wow are we going to have a delightful growing season! Becuase we will be here, since she did hand over a YEAR lease!!!!!! I am so excited I could do cartwheels (if I actually knew how)!!! What a huge weight off my back! As she was leaving I pointed out the work that I have been doing on the front fence. I redug a post hole, put in a new post and straigtened the wire fencing last week. "You did that?" She asked looking at me a little surprized. With the baby on my back I added. I left out the fact that I also dug the hole with a screwdriver and my hands since I didnt have a shovel! This next week I will be getting a shovel and finishing the fence.

the fence post i dug with a screwdriver...

After she left I was so happy. I didnt do anymore work for the rest of the day. I played with the kids. I read a magazine. I started this blog entry. I made pizza for dinner and brownies for dessert. It was a great end to a busy day.
So now it is the moring after. I have a clean house. it is a beautiful day. Today I will be savoring my small victory. I will be thankful for the tree blossoms and the fresh country air and for a landlord who is about more than just money. I will be thankful that I will have this magical place to call my own for one more year. Blessings abound. Hoping that you all are filled with your own blessings. peace and love, chella

and i leave you with a few pics of my magical special yard that i can continue to enjoy...

ENJOY!!! XOXOXO

the beginning, for the love of stuff

2009-04-13T07:05:00.000-07:00

hello! this is my first post as a new blogger, so here goes...

I live in a small rural new mexican village. I moved here at halloween of 08' from Cottonwood AZ driving a borrowed suburban and pulling a 6 x 8 uhaul it trailer. In the suburban I traveled with my 4 children, 2 large dogs and 5 cats. In the uhaul I brought 2 couches, a futon mattress, our most important clothes and most important toys. All in all, a 6x8 isnt very big, so i had to leave most of our belongings in storage in AZ. That was difficult for me as I am a cancer, and very attached to my belongings, and very much defined by the space i inhabit. Still, this move was to be very good for my family in many ways, so I took the plunge with the know that I would one day soon be back to get the rest of my "stuff".

Now, I waited all winter, and made do with the few pieces of junky furniture the last tenant left behind, and made an acceptable nest for us, all the while dreaming of my things. I have to add that my jeep was also left behind because right before we moved the engine blew. And engine that had just been replaced 3 weeks before by a supposed reputable jeep dealership Oxendale Jeep. They refused to replace the faulty engine on warranty even though I had just paid them 3000 for it. So I had to make due living in rural NM with No car, until the new 2nd engine was ready, and until I could come up ith another almost 3000.00 to pay for it. Seeing that I am a SAHM mom that was a difficult task. I had to wait until tax time for our refund in order to get the car back. Fast forward to March 09', we survived an isolated winter in our new home thanks to a bus route for my kids school, and a graceful, generous neighbor who lent me her car every 2-3 weeks to go grocery shopping. I suppressed my design decorating urges with magazines sent to me by my awesome mom who lives in Connecticut. I dreamed of how I would decorate once I had my things. I painted the kitchen cabinets a fresh coat of white. I made due. Finally the day came for our tax refund. I was so excited to go get my Jeep and some of my things! My best friend came to get my daughter and I and bring us back to AZ. We got my jeep, a bittersweet success as I truly didnt feel I should have to pay for another engine, and was pissed that I had to give up most of my tax return to a bunch of crooks who clearly took advantage. Anyways. So I got the jeep, hooray freedom! And began to look on craigslist for an inexpensive trailer to bring home some of my things. I had devine luck. I found a trailer for under 100- that was nothing to look at but in good shape none the less. I had to outfit it with new lighting, but after a trip to autozone and an hour of basic wiring, my daughter and I were ready to pack up some stuff. We packed up as much as I could in our new 4 x 8 trailer, my dressers, some art supplies, my altar objects, some more kids things. It was a decent sized load and I was temporarily satisfied. A couple weeks later the cosmos coverged and I found myself packing up my daughter to return to AZ one last time to finish with this storage once and for all. I had to complete my home! I had to have all of myself in one location. So last weekend (April 3rd-April 7) was it. It was to be dual purpose trip as my best friend is returning to our homestate of CT at the end of the month. I arrived at her house Friday night to help her do some packing and organizing. We stayed the weekend heading to storage on Monday morning. It was a daunting task from the moment I opened the storage door. In my optimism I had had envisioned packing the storage in one more load with ease, in a matter of hours. Reality check, I had left the storage totally disorganized and there was way more stuff than I thought. So I had to get creative, pick and choose what I would live without, and find a way to pack the rest...

zari in the empty trailer excited to be having an adventure!

I set up a couple stations for Zari to play, one in the empty trailer, one in the car, and one in storage, and I shuffled her from spot to spot while I sorted and packed. When she got impatient, I put her in the backpack, and wore her for several hours while she napped and I packed. It was 80 degrees. It was hot . I was totally overwhelmed, but still I kept on at it. By 6:30 PM a full days work Zari was totally over it. But I was only 3/4 done, with no way to go anywhere, so I gave her some dinner, and made a bed for her in the car. She was asleep by 8 and I was back at it, determined to finish! At 1 a.m. I was mostly done. I had puzzled in all that I could. Rearranged, stuffed, fitted and tied. I wrapped it all in a vintage parachute, covering that in bungee nets. I was delerious. I looked at my finished project and thought no way was this safe to drive! I had visions of having to start all over. I tempered my overwhelming sense of dread with driving around the storage in circles of various speeds, so assure myself that it would not tip over or fall apart. Temporarily satisfied, I made myself a bed in the front seat, and went to sleep.

The next morning there were a few loose ends. We wrapped them up and I made a deal with myself. Not 100% sure that this would work, I told myself I would drive the 20 miles to the highway entrance, and if I felt the load was in anyway not safe, I would turn around and regroup. Thankfully, it was a success. Nothing moved, everything seemed balanced and ready to go. I got on the highway, and headed for home. 11 hours , alot of strange looks, and a very tired daughter later we arrived at our home in New Mexico with the rest of our things.

I wanted to take pics of the whole ensamble, but by the time I had woken up the next morning, S had already unhooked the jeep. So here is the finished project on the road in from of our house, sans jeep... Fully packed and loaded, the unveiling, second layer and bottom layer. Now Easter weekend has just passed. Everything is unloaded from the trailer and awaiting its proper place within the home. So welcome to the unveiling of my creative chaos and stay tuned for the evolution of the black cat casita. Many blessings, Chella.

fully loaded

view from front

the unveiling

other side

the front

second layer